


Even Though I Felt It From the Start

by dizzy



Series: Trip and Stumble [10]
Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 04:09:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>September, October, November, December.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even Though I Felt It From the Start

It’s through sheer luck that Chris gets a meeting with his adviser the day before classes start.   
  
He’s spent all summer thinking about what he wants to do with his life, and it’s with only a small amount of anxiety that he officially declares himself a theater major and switches english to a minor, with his concentration being in creative writing.   
  
He’s not sure that he wants to act, but he is sure that he loves being part of a show. He gets a thrill in his gut when he thinks about writing things and watching them come to life, on a stage or on a screen.  _That_ is what he wants.   
  
His adviser only briefly tries to talk him out of it. Chris is grateful for that, too. He doesn’t want to be talked out of it. He’s not doing this because a boy told him to. He’s not doing it just because it’s what his parents  _don’t_ want. He’s doing this because this is the path he wants to be on.   
  
He leaves the meeting feeling excited about what’s to come.   


*   
  
“Wow,” Chris says, staring at the laptop screen that Darren has scooted between them for Chris to see. “I feel like an underachiever right now. And I’m taking more than my adviser suggested. What’s your excuse?”   
  
“It’s not that bad...” Darren shrugs. “I’ve only go so much time, you know? I don’t want to pass anything up. And...I mean, some of these are pretty easy courses.”  
  
“Don’t let him fool you.” Joey is across the room, video game controller in hand. “He’s an overachiever. He just works really hard to seem that lazy.”  
  
“Plus I’ll probably end up dropping one of the electives. I just can’t decide which one. And come on, you’re taking what, six yourself?”   
  
“Five. And I have to make up for switching my major in my second year, even if it’s right at the start. Plus,  _someone_ convinced me to take stage fighting with them...” Chris nudges against Darren a little.   
  
Darren’s whole face lights up. “It’s gonna be awesome, man.”   
  
“Kick his ass!” Joey shouts.   
  
Chris leans his head on Darren’s shoulder and says, “I’m not sure if he’s talking to us or the game.”   
  
“MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER!”   
  
“The game,” Darren says. Then he adds: “... I hope. Though I guess that one applies to us, too.”  
  
“Just the second part of it, though.” Chris makes a face.   
  
“Definitely. And it not only applies, but we kind of rock at it.”   
  
Chris laughs and snuggles in closer. Darren shuts the laptop and puts it out of the way so he can turn his body more toward Chris. Their foreheads rest together touching. “Hi,” Chris whispers, mouth turning up at the corners.   
  
“Hi.” Darren whispers back, and then in the same heartbeat they’re kissing. It’s light at first, softer and sweeter. Then Darren’s mouth opens to Chris’s tongue and it gets wetter and a little dirtier and Chris leans more of his body on Darren.   
  
Darren lets himself fall sideways and over, dragging Chris on top of him as he goes down. Chris muffles his giggle against Darren’s shoulder when he almost fails to catch himself on one arm. Darren just loops his wrists around the back of Chris’s neck and starts to kiss him again.   
  
“Motherfucking  _cocksuckers_ .” Joey hisses without turning around. “And this time I actually do mean you. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing! All the clothes stay on!”   
  
*   
  
Darren sneezes.   
  
“You have a cold,” Chris says, not looking up from his desk where he’s sitting as he types on his laptop. “Stop fighting it. It’ll feel better if you just admit the truth.”   
  
“I do not have a cold.” Darren’s voice is stuffy and petulant. He’s stretched out on the bed reciting a monologue he needs memorized in under 24 hours.   
  
“You definitely have a cold. I’m going to the store with Brian tomorrow, I’ll pick up extra orange juice and vitamins.”   
  
“I don’t need vitamins!”   
  
“Not even if I get you those gummy Flintstones ones?”   
  
“You can’t see it, but I’m flipping you off right now.”   
  
“Darren.” Chris spins around in his chair, frowning. “This is a selfish act. I don’t want you to get sick, because  I will then get sick.”   
  
Darren picks up a pillow like he’s going to throw it at Chris.   
  
Chris points at him sternly. “Do not  _dare_ .”   
  
Sulking more, Darren puts it down. “I’m not sick. It’s just allergies.”   
  
“Really?” Chris is doubtful.   
  
“Just grab me some Sudafed or something, no big deal.” Darren insists.  
  
“You’re sure?”   
  
“Allergies. I swear.” Darren sounds confident.   
  
Chris sighs and turns back around. “I’m making you drink orange juice every morning anyway. That apple stuff you like is nothing but sugar.”  
  
“You sound like my mom.”   
  
“Oh, pity, I was definitely thinking about fucking you later, but if I sound like your  mom ...”   
  
Darren backtracks astoundingly fast. “What? Who said that? I didn’t say that. You don’t sound like my mom at all.”   
  
“Then who do I sound like?” Chris shuts his laptop and kneels on the edge of the bed, crawling toward Darren.   
  
Darren puts aside his script. “You sound like my sexy, sexy boyfriend.”   
  
Chris reaches him and moves his hands up Darren’s arms, lifting them and then pinning them by the wrist to the pillow until his head. “That’s more like it.”   
  
*  
  
Chris is in his first theater class without his friends, and it’s sort of terrifying.   
  
He’s pretty sure he’ll have a few familiar faces in most of his other classes, but this is basic intro and they’ve all taken it already.   
  
He sits by himself, but unlike a year ago it doesn’t feel like a dreaded permanent state. As he looks around he thinks he sees some people he could get to know. A lot of them are freshman, but there are a few obviously older students taking it as a curiosity or an elective.   
  
He does more listening than talking, and takes notes on his laptop when the professor indicates that he doesn’t care if people use their computers. He keeps his email up and covertly tabs back and forth between a chat window with Ashley, who is in another class, and his notes.   
  
A: Dinner + chick flick tom. night?   
C: No chick flick.   
A: You fail at stereotypes.   
C: Dinner + action movie with hot shirtless star?   
A: Terms accepted. I’m unchained from the educational system at 4:50.   
C: Perfect, I work until 5 tomorrow.   
A: It’s a date. Gotta fly, later cutie.   
Ashley is offline.   
  
The professor lets them go early after running through the syllabus.   
  
*  
  
He meets Darren at the bookstore on campus after they’ve both finished with classes for the day.   
  
Darren gets there first. He’s bouncing around talking to Jaime and both of the Joe’s. When he sees Chris he waves enthusiastically. Chris lets himself be greeted with a kiss, lets himself smile when Darren’s arm goes around his waist.   
  
They all split off to get their books, but Chris and Darren walk together.   
  
“I’m going out with Ashley tomorrow night,” Chris says.   
  
“Oh, yeah?” Darren smiles as he runs his finger over the spines of books to find the one he needs. “That’s awesome. Even though she hates me.”   
  
“She does not,” Chris argues. “Oh, here it is.”   
  
He pulls out the book Darren needs and then looks over Darren’s shoulder to see the title of the next one.   
  
“She totally does. I mean, it’s cool, as long as she’s good to you, whatever.” Darren shrugs in a way that would probably fool most people but Chris knows deep down Darren’s attention seeking ways can often stem from him genuinely wanting  _everyone_ to like him.   
  
Chris kind of finds that adorable.  If there weren’t so many people around, he would kiss Darren.   
  
“Well, I still think you’re wrong. Come on, I have to get something for my lit class and it’s right over here.” Chris leads him through the store. “Shit, they don’t have a used copy.”   
  
“Order it online?” Darren suggests, skimming his own list. “I think I’m done.”   
  
“Really? You’ve got like two books to buy.”   
  
“Yeah but Lauren and Jaime and Walker are in the other classes and I know they’re buying their books, so I’ll just bum it off of them.” Darren grins.   
  
“You are awful. Well, here, then. You can carry mine.”   
  
Darren makes a face but dutifully takes the growing basket of books. “Fine, but don’t tell anyone or I’ll get teased for being pussywhipped again.”   
  
Chris stops and gives him a look. “Rethink that for a second.”  
  
Darren’s forehead scrunches up and then he laughs loudly enough to get the attention of the people at the end of the aisle. “Uh. Cockwhipped?”   
  
“Well, that just sounds kinky.” Chris smirks and leans in, whispering, “Want me to cockwhip you later, Darren?”   
  
Darren swallows. “Yes, please, sir.”   
  
*  
  
Chris is smiling so hard that his face hurts as he hugs Ashley.   
  
“I missed you.” He clings to her a little more tightly.   
  
She laughs and shoves him away, but he can tell how happy she is to see him, too. They’ve been in touch, of course - texting almost daily, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her two or three times a week.   
  
“Ooh, you been shopping without me, boy.” She eyes him up and down. “Whoever helped you, they done good.”   
  
“Hey, I picked these out myself!” Chris pouts.   
  
“Mhmmm.” Ashley lifts an eyebrow.   
  
“Well, Lauren might have sent me some links.”

“Short stuff can stay, I dig her.” Ashley gives him a thumbs up. “Oh, hey, my buddy Eric is gonna be joining us, that cool?”   
  
His first reaction is disappointment. He’d really been sort of looking forward to just hanging out with Ashley, even though all they had planned was dinner and a movie.   
  
His second reaction is to look the guy over, because Ashley has never really brought any other friends along. He knows there has to be a reason - is this a boyfriend? A guy she  wants to be a boyfriend? He gets a little excited at the prospect of him being the person Ashley brings in to approve of potentials.   
  
So on that basis he brushes aside his disappointment at the third wheel and gives him a friendly smile. “I’m Chris.”   
  
“Oh, I know,” Eric says, smiling. “I’ve heard a ton about you. She can’t stop raving about the amazing Chris.”   
  
“Oh, pish posh.” Ashley smiles widely and looks between them, then slips her arms through theirs so that they flank her. “Okay, cuties. Let’s get this show on the road.”  
  
*  
  
Eric is nice. He’s friendly, and funny, and smart.   
  
He’s older than Chris would have thought based on looks (23) and an english major in his first semester of the grad school program. He likes Harry Potter and his clever insults at their waiter’s atrocious fashion sense make Chris snort into his hand.   
  
He realizes halfway through dinner that Ashley isn’t interested in this guy. Chris might be kind of clueless about some things, but he’s definitely learning to decipher when he’s being flirted with.   
  
Eric is subtle and clever about it, but he’s definitely flirting and Ashley is definitely pretending not to notice.  
  
Ashley excuses herself to the bathroom and Eric scoots in a little closer to Chris.   
  
“You should let me look over your schedule some time,” Eric says. “I can tell you which professors to avoid.”   
  
“Right, I should.” Chris nods his head up and down a couple of times and then tries to decide the most subtle way of going about this. “My boyfriend has done that with, with theater classes. He’s uh, um. He’s a junior.”   
  
“Oh, is that why you switched to a theater major?” Eric, to his credit, looks absolutely unphased.   
  
Maybe, Chris thinks, he’s been reading this wrong. Maybe this is just a nice guy that Ashley is friends with, too.   
  
“Not why I switched, but he did sort of give me the kick in the ass that I needed. I wasn’t really confidence in my acting or my singing, and he...” Chris can’t help but smile to himself. “He believes in me, and that helps me believe in myself.”   
  
Eric smiles back. “Well, we all need someone like that, don’t we?”   
  
*  
  
September creeps into October and Chris finds himself cataloging the difference in his life without realizing he’s doing it. As dates pass on the calendar, as he starts to think about midterms and Halloween and these landmark moments he can’t help but flicker back to what he was doing at the same time a year ago.    
  
It doesn’t hurt, thinking about then. It just makes him realize what progress he’s made.   
  
He has a job and a little bit of extra money. He has  friends . He’s taking classes that both terrify and inspire him. He can do things like go to a concert, or go bowling, or hop on stage during karaoke to lend his vocals to a group number.

(He has yet to succumb to their pleading for him to take a solo. Singing  _with_ Darren is as close as he cares to get. He might be coming around to the idea that he’s not as much of a vocal anomaly as he’s always thought but he still doesn’t live for music like some of these people.)  
  
He loves living with Darren and Joey and Brian. He loves the developing friendships with the roommates he’s not actually sleeping with, too.  
  
Chris is thriving on being busy, too; he’s always been the kind that would volunteer for extra work if it was the kind of work he liked, and put it off until the last minute if it was the kind he didn’t. He likes  all of this, though, because even the stuff he has to slog through he knows he’s doing for a purpose. It’s not high school where he’s one of the sheep being corralled through the exact same system as everyone else crammed into the desks alongside of him for eight hours a day. He’s choosing his path here and shaping his own future and he might bitch in the moment but he’s never been happier to be writing essays until he can hardly think straight or memorizing monologues until his voice is going or reading class materials until his eyes hurt.   
  
Darren helps, too - not just in the physical sense but it’s impossible not to watch all that Darren does and accomplishes and not be motivated. Darren never turns down an offer to make music or art, he never stops going and Chris isn’t going to spend his days sitting around just waiting for Darren to come home, so he lets himself get immersed in other things, too. He makes friends with a couple of people in his classes, he joins the writing staff for the humor magazine at the prompting of one of his professors, and he auditions for more of the Basement Arts plays, though he isn’t cast in the first two he tries for. He finds he doesn’t even mind  that \- the rejection doesn’t sting.   
  
It’s good motivation, and he’s always done well when he feels like he has something to prove, especially to himself.   
  
*   
  
Movie nights are re-instated, at least once or twice a month.   
  
It’s a nice break from from the hectic pace of school and while Chris still has his days when he just wants to lock himself in his bedroom and be alone to write or think or read or even just drift in and out of sleep at his own leisure, he enjoys the apartment when it’s bursting with people and laughter and good conversation and music. Tonight the crowd is small, whittled down to just the core of their group with the lateness of the hour.   
  
It’s cold, and the people that remain behind are burrowing under blankets as they pass a joint around. Chris is just starting to feel that warm buzz through his limbs and he presses his shoulder more heavily into Darren’s, feeling grounded by the scent and familiarity.   
  
“C’mere,” Darren says, pulling Chris into his lap. He whispers, “Remember this?”   
  
Chris smiles and leans back into him. “Of course.”   
  
“I wanted you so bad that night.” Darren’s arms wrap around Chris and one slips under his shirt. Darren’s always so eager for that skin on skin contact. It’s one of Chris’s favorite things.   
  
Chris grabs the blanket he’d been using and pulls it over him, still cold. Once he’s settled under it, he whispers back, “You could have had me.”   
  
“That so?” Darren sounds a little surprised, but only a little.   
  
The conversation gets interrupted for them each to take another hit. The room is dark, a movie going and most people are facing toward it.   
  
“Tell me more,” Darren whispers, warm breath in Chris’s ear. “About what I could have done with you that night.”   
  
Chris blushes, and he’s glad no one else can see it.  
  
Somehow, Darren can still tell. He laughs and kisses Chris’s neck. “Come on, no one else can hear us.”   
  
With a deep breath, Chris slumps down more against Darren. “I was disappointed I didn’t end up in your bed again. But then you came and found me...”   
  
“You were asleep,” Darren remembers. “But I couldn’t resist.”   
  
The hand on Chris’s stomach ventures down a little, past the elastic waistband of the pajama pants Chris has on. Darren’s curious fingers find him half-hard. Chris squirms. “Stop-”   
  
But Darren’s fingers curl around him and that just makes it worse, because god, it’s  _good_ . It feels so  fucking good. He squirms some more and Dylan glances over at them, giving them a strange look.   
  
“He’s ticklish,” Darren explains, grinning.   
  
Dylan either buys it or decides ignorance is bliss and looks away.  
  
But the fingers ghosting along his frenulum don’t count as tickling and it’s definitely not making Chris wants to laugh... especially not when Darren’s fingers wrap around him again more firmly and he starts to stroke, so slowly.   
  
“Tell me more,” Darren orders in that low, sexy voice.   
  
“You touched me,” Chris says, giving in to it without much fight at all. “You touched me so much that night.”   
  
“Touching you right now.” Darren’s other hand starts wandering again, rubbing over his stomach where the skin is scrunched up because of how he’s sitting slumped against Darren, up as far as he can go without passing the barrier of the blanket that keeps what they’re doing hidden away.   
  
Chris is practically shaking from how good it feels. Then the hand on his stomach disappears because the joint is back to them, but the one on his cock stays just squeezing lightly every few seconds, without moving up or down. They each take a turn and then Darren brings it to Chris’s mouth again to let him sneak another.   
  
Darren’s hands it over blindly while his fingers cup Chris’s jaw and tilt his head back, Darren’s mouth sealing over his. Chris groans low in his chest when he realizes what Darren is doing.   
  
Faintly, he hears Meredith say, “Wow.  Hot .”   
  
It’s good, whatever this stuff is. It’s good and strong, probably the strongest Chris has had yet. It’s even better shared between them, Darren’s tongue licking the acrid taste from his mouth when they’re done.   
  
He’s two seconds away from turning and grinding into Darren without caring  who sees, but then there’s a commotion of someone getting up and Lauren’s leaving, and Chris is terrified for a minute they’ll have to get up too, to say goodbye, but no one else does so they’re okay. Chris waves goodbye to her and then bites his lip hard because Darren’s cupping his balls and the pleasure just swims through his veins.   
  
The movie plays on, and Darren is working him into a frenzy. Chris has his fingers curled around Darren’s thighs to keep himself from fucking into his fist. When he’s close he turns his face into Darren’s neck and whimpers (he hopes quietly) until Darren kisses him. Chris kisses back hard, lips parting and breath surging out of him as it hits. It feels like he comes everywhere, like he’s never going to stop. He’s dizzy from it, rolling waves of intense pleasure that ebb away slowly.   
  
He’s still breathing hard and Darren gives him another, softer kiss. He wipes his hand on the inside of Chris’s pants before pulling it out slowly enough that the motion doesn’t register under the blanket.   
  
Chris is still dazed. He just  _came_ in a room with half a dozen of his friends, and no one notices.   
  
(Please fuck don’t let anyone have noticed.)   
  
Darren’s voice is sudden and loud in his ear, laughing. “You falling asleep, baby?”   
  
Chris blinks heavily at him, confused for a few beats until he catches on. He nods, glad his sluggish movements can be explained away by that. “Mhm.”   
  
“Go on to bed,” Darren says. Chris gets to his feet, standing still a moment once he’s upright to make sure his legs aren’t as wobbly as the rest of him feels.   
  
He drops down onto the bed as soon as the door is shut behind him. His pants are stained and sticky, come cooling inside of them disgustingly. He tugs them off and wipes away the rest smeared on his skin, then tosses them toward the hamper. That’s exactly how Darren finds him - sprawled out on the bed wearing a t-shirt and nothing below the waist.   
  
Darren laughs. “Oh my God, I love you.”   
  
Despite the sentiment, Chris feels very much like he’s being made fun of. He sits up and then yanks his shirt over his head. “Better?”   
  
“Fuck yeah.” Darren has something in his hand - something he raises to his lips and takes a hit off of. He coughs just a little bit before he’s done. “They had two left, I stole this one. Said it was pay off since most of ‘em are gonna crash here.”   
  
Darren hands it over and then it’s Chris’s turn to say, “I love you.”   
  
“You’re about to love me a whole lot more.” Darren yanks the tie on his pants and they drop to the ground. He’s hard through the boxers he’s wearing, the fly gaping open to reveal a teasing glimpse of his cock.   
  
Chris shuffles forward to the edge of the bed on his knees. “I can suck you off.” He’s staring blatantly at Darren’s hard-on, mouth watering for it.   
  
“Not that I’m one to turn down a blowjob, but I had another idea...” Darren is hesitant, but continues. “Do you trust me?”   
  
“Of course,” Chris says. Darren kneels in front of him on the bed, running his fingertips down Chris’s arm. It gives Chris goosebumps.   
  
“And you took a shower before everyone came over, right?” Darren asks.   
  
Darren is kissing his way down Chris’s body, and that’s really distracting. “Uh. Yeah?” Chris remembers to answer. Darren pushes at his shoulders until Chris lays back down.   
  
“Good. Lift up.” Darren slaps his lightly on the ass and when Chris does he slides their thickest pillow under him. “I’m gonna lick you.”   
  
“Lick me?” Chris has already come; he’s not even started to hard again yet. Is that what Darren is going to try to do? Because Chris wouldn’t really mind-  
  
No, he realizes at the first touch of a wet tongue around the rim of his ass, that’s not what Darren had in mind at all.   
  
He turns his head to the side and moans. He’s not even trying to put it in yet, he’s just alternating between licking circles and flattered passes with his tongue.   
  
“Watch it,” Darren lifts his head to say. The joint is still in Chris’s hand. Taking a hit is weird from this angle but he does, giggling to himself.   
  
He’s definitely feeling it - the weed and what Darren is doing to him. It goes from weird to good to  wow and back to just kind of weird when Darren does try and get his tongue in, but then back to  wow when he licks more. Chris doesn’t even realize he’s whining until Darren looks up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and grinning. One hand rubs over Chris’s thigh as he asks, “You okay up there?”

Chris nods. He stretches his body out, legs tensing and flexing where they bracket Darren. He’d do just about anything right now for Darren to keep touching him. He wants... he wants it  all . “Fuck me,” he says, breathless but sure.   
  
“Shit,” Darren says faintly. “Shit, you’re sure?”   
  
He’s already reaching for the lube and a condom. Chris nods frantically and wiggles the pillows out from under him. He puts the joint out and then rolls onto his hands and knees, ass in the air. He’d be too self-conscious to do this any other time, regardless over the glazed over look on Darren’s face. Right now he just...  wants .   
  
Darren’s hands cup and rub over his ass, then slicked fingers are pressing in. Chris has his cheek smashed into the pillow and he’s making needy little noises as Darren adds two fingers, and then a third.   
  
“Now,” Chris tries to demand but Darren won’t speed up.   
  
“Fuck, you want this, don’t you, sweetheart?” Darren adds a third and Chris wants to scream at how good it feels. Not the fingers in his ass, not that specifically, just everything.   
  
Chris moans out an answer and then he can feel Darren nudging at him. He sucks in air, chest burning and lightheaded, and his fingers clench at the sheets until the fitted one pops loose.   
  
“Gotta be quiet,” Darren reminds him.   
  
Then he’s pushing in, filling Chris up. Chris wishes he could see this. He knows what Darren looks like in so many different positions - under him, riding him, sucking him. He wishes he could see  this , though - Darren kneeling behind him, driving into him. The best he can do is turn his head to look over his shoulder and seeing Darren’s face is almost good enough. His brow is furrowed and he has that sexy look of concentration, like it feels so good he couldn’t possibly focus on anything else. He’s making the best sounds, trying to take his own advice and being quiet but sort of failing, grunts and groans and choked off breaths as he fucks himself into Chris’s ass.   
  
And it feels  good . It feels good in a way it hasn’t before for Chris, the steady pressure on his prostate with every hard thrust and his cock is responding, hard again and heavy between his legs. Chris awkwardly wriggles around until he can get a hand under him and starts to jerk himself off.   
  
“C’mere,” Darren says, stopping with his cock buried in Chris. Chris whines and tries to move again but Darren’s arms wrap around his chest and pull him upright so that he’s sitting on Darren’s lap. “Hands.”   
  
He guides Chris’s hands to the top of the headboard. “Hold on.”   
  
Oh. This is even  _better_ . Darren is plastered against him from shoulders to thighs, rocking in and out.   
  
“Touch me,” Chris pleads, a specific request this time. The hand splayed across Chris’s stomach drops down to grab his cock and start to stroke. The angle isn’t quite as good as it had been before but Darren’s fingers make up for it, knowing just how Chris likes it. Chris lets his eyes slip shut and completely gives it over to Darren.   
  
Darren’s orgasm catches his off guard. He’s pretty sure it catches  Darren off guard, too. He buries his face against Chris’s neck and pants through it, hand flying until Chris is jerking back against him and coming hard, splattering against the headboard.   
  
He slumps back and lets his arms cover Darren’s where they’re hugging him tight. “Oh my god,” he says faintly, letting his head roll against Darren’s shoulder. Darren finds his mouth and meets him with a kiss.   
  
Then Darren sees the headboard and laughs. “Oh my God. That is amazing. I want to take a picture of that.”   
  
Chris blushes. “Shut up.”   
  
“No, it’s amazing.” Darren kisses him again but Chris’s neck is starting to hurt so he pulls away. Everything feels wet and sticky now but Chris doesn’t even really mind that right now. “You’re amazing. You feel...”   
  
“Amazing?” Chris giggles.   
  
Darren giggles right back, then he pulls out and winces. Clean up is perfunctory given that neither of them particularly feel like walking back through a room full of people to get to the bathroom, and they can’t keep straight faces while they wipe the come from the headboard.   
  
“I think it dripped on your pillow,” Chris says.   
  
Darren swaps the pillows. “Nope, yours. Your come, your pillow.”   
  
Chris hits him with the pillow. “I hate you.”   
  
Darren, of course, is left with little choice but to tackle Chris. “You love me. You loooove meeeee.”   
  
Chris doesn’t particularly mind being tackled. He happily wraps his arms around Darren and kisses him. Darren’s hands wander, one reaching behind Chris to brush his fingers over Chris’s hole. Chris gasps a little.   
  
“You okay, though? For real?”

“Darren, that was...” His lips twitch.   
  
“Amazing?”

“Amazing.” Chris agrees. “But ask me how I’m doing again in the morning when I can’t walk.”   
  
“Heh.” He doesn’t have to look over to see the smug smile on Darren’s face.   
  
*  
  
They’re supposed to meet at four at the library on campus in their favorite little nook by the autobiographies on the second floor, but when Chris gets there Darren is nowhere in sight.   
  
He backtracks to the music section thinking maybe Darren has gotten distracted. It wouldn’t be the first time. He’s wandering back to the autobiographies with his phone out ready to send a text when he spots a familiar pair of shoes sticking out from underneath a table.   
  
He pockets his phone and tries to lift one chair away and move it as quietly as possible. Just as he’d suspected, Darren is curled up fast asleep with his head resting on his backpack. He looks so peaceful that Chris almost doesn’t want to wake him, but he knows that Darren has a gig to make it to by six and they do need to actually get some work done. They’re both going out for the next play Basement Arts is doing, and they’re going to rehearse their audition pieces together.   
  
Chris knows they likely won’t turn Darren away - he’s one of the best the program has. It might not always reflect in his GPA or the number of classes he attends, but it’s still true. Chris has no reputation built for himself besides Darren’s boyfriend, but right now that doesn’t bother him too much. He’s not afraid of having to prove himself a little bit... especially not since he’s being coached by the best.   
  
He can’t resist playing around just a little though. The table Darren is under is actually two pushed together. It’s easy for him to crawl under it. He pulls out his phone to take a picture for later preservation on Facebook before stretching out beside Darren, putting an arm around him. He leans in close and grazes his lips over Darren’s stubbled jaw. “Morning, sunshine.”   
  
Darren jerks awake, gasping hard. “Shit.  _Fucker_ .”   
  
“Aw, happy to see me?” Chris teases.   
  
Darren flops over onto his back and rubs his eyes. “I am so fucking tired.”   
  
“What time did you even come in last night?” Chris asks, resting a hand on Darren’s chest and playing with the string of his hoodie. He’d wanted to make it to the set but he’d had a project to finish up for an 8 am class the next morning.   
  
“Around two. The dude on after me was a no show so they asked me to stick around. Got paid double, though.” Darren doesn’t sound quite as upset about that.   
  
“Gonna take me out in style this weekend?” Chris whispers. It’s sort of uncomfortable with his elbow digging into the rough library carpeting.   
  
“Yeah, I think I got a free hour or two...” Darren is more awake now, leaning toward Chris and rubbing noses with him.   
  
“You sure?” Chris knows what Darren’s schedule is like. “You might need that for sleep.”   
  
“Nah. You’re better than sleep.” Darren kisses him. Then he breaks away and turns to cough. Chris rubs a hand in circles across his chest until the coughing stops. Darren’s had a cold for weeks now that he just can’t shake, and Chris feels bad for Darren and at the same time relieved that he never caught it himself.   
  
“Well, we’ll see.” Chris pulls away. “Come on, before someone catches us. I will never forgive you if I get banned from the library for misconduct under a table.”   
  
He hears Darren snickering as he crawls back into open space. “Okay,  _fine_ .”  
  
*  
  
Chris shows up for the audition ten minutes early. He’s got his monologue prepared, he’s looked over the script in case they ask him to read from it, and he’s got plans to meet Darren for dinner afterwards to let him know how it’s gone.   
  
There are only three roles open, which means his shot at being cast is a lot slimmer. He’s prepared for rejection, he’s even prepared to screw up, but he’s not exactly prepared to walk in and see Julia sitting there.   
  
She looks up at him and smiles. “Hey, Chris! Oh, are you auditioning?”   
  
He sort of has the urge to just turn and run.   
  
He likes Julia. He really does. He just still hasn’t wrapped his mind around what she was to Darren, and what she still is. He’s not threatened by her, exactly, he just... doesn’t know what to think. She’s possibly the only person here that knows Darren better than Chris does at this point, and that’s unsettling.   
  
“Yeah, I am, actually.”   
  
“Cool, you’re the first one to show up.” She has a clipboard in her hand and scribbles something on it before she stands up. “Let me go grab Jason and we can get started.”   
  
The audition itself goes well, despite Chris’ feelings thrown off by her presence.   
  
When he’s done, she follows him out. “You really did great,” she says. “I’m just assistant director on this, but I think you have a pretty good shot at it. You fit the type we’re looking for better than anyone else.”  
  
“Oh, thanks.” Chris thinks she’s being genuine. He  does know her well enough to know that she doesn’t bullshit about her opinions on things. She’s nice, but not prone to giving false hope. “Do you know when I’ll hear back?”   
  
“A week, tops. We’re trying to get the rehearsal space booked to start by next Friday.” She gives him another reassuring smile. “I’ll let you know as soon as I hear they’ve made a decision, okay?”   
  
“Thanks,” Chris says again, and he’s not really sure what else to say after that so he just leaves.   
  
*  
  
Chris is almost shocked to see Darren on the couch when he walks into the apartment, and not asleep. “I thought you had a thing tonight.”   
  
“Got canceled, something about the restaurant shutting down for the night. Their food was pretty shitty, anyway, so I’m not surprised.” Darren explains, then pouts at him. “I decided to come crash. I feel like I could sleep for a  year .”   
  
“You look like it, too,” Chris says, frowning. Darren does look tired -   
  
“You sure know how to sweet talk, honey. You really that happy to see me?” Darren looks up at Chris with big, exaggerated sad eyes.  

“I am very happy to see you.” Chris drops his bag onto the floor by the couch and kicks off his shoes. He walks behind the couch but stops and leans over to kiss Darren. “I miss you.”   
  
“Miss you, too.” Darren gives him one of those smiles that makes the corners of his eyes wrinkle up. “How was the audition?”   
  
“Um. Good.” He thinks about mentioning that Julia is directing it. He’s pretty sure if Darren did already know, he’d have mentioned it to Chris. Maybe later, he thinks. “Gonna go change. Save me a spot.”   
  
“Gotcha one right here.” Darren pats the couch by him.   
  
When Chris comes back wearing pajamas, there are two beers on the coffee table and Darren has moved a little. Chris sinks in beside him gratefully. “I’m exhausted.”   
  
“Long day?” Darren murmurs, handing Chris one of the beers.  
  
Chris drinks a fourth of it down happily, then burps when he’s done. Darren scrunches his face up and then declares, “Six out of ten. You can do better, Colfer.”   
  
“Whatever, you still thought it was sexy.” Chris puts the bottle down and stretches out on the couch, resting his head in Darren’s lap.   
  
“The sexiest,” Darren agrees.   
  
Onscreen, some sort of giant sea creature is beached with its guts on display. “What on earth are you watching?”   
  
“Discovery channel.” Darren starts to play with Chris’s hair. Chris sighs and rubs his cheek against the worn soft material of the sweats Darren is in. “It’s this awesome show about giant squids. Did you know their brains are shaped like donuts? And their esophagus is in the part where the hole would be? So if they eat anything wider than their throat, they get brain damage.”   
  
Chris laughs. “You are a fountain of information.”   
  
“Fucking right I am,” Darren agrees. “Man, nature is fucked up and beautiful, isn’t it? It’s like, a thing to behold. Just that all this stuff is out there, and everything in the world works together and adds it’s own little thing, and we don’t have any idea how our lives would change if like, some little species of fish in the ocean half a world away had never existed because everything is in this chain of nature...”   
  
“... are you high?” Chris asks. Darren’s eyes do look kind of bloodshot, but Chris figured that had more to do with his allergies not letting up at all and that he looks like he’s barely slept.   
  
Darren reaches over and slaps him on the ass. “No, but if you wanna we could go raid Joey’s stash.”   
  
Chris thinks about it, then shakes his head. “I’m comfortable here.”   
  
“Me, too.” Darren goes back to playing with Chris’s hair. “I feel like I’ve barely seen you since the semester started.”   
  
“I know. Mostly just in bed. I miss the shorter summer library hours.” Now he has shifts that go as late as ten pm at least a couple of times a week. Unfortunately, usually not the nights that Darren has gigs to ever give them a night off at the same time during the week. .   
  
“You’re busy,” Chris points out. “I guess I am, too. At least more than last year, when I had nothing to do but go to class and then sit in my dorm.”   
  
“I’m probably about the same, as far as being busy,” Darren says.   
  
“Really? You seemed to be around a lot more last year. On the weekends and stuff...” Chris can’t remember a single movie night or weekend outing or really even dinner in the dining hall that Darren wasn’t at.   
  
“Oh. Well.” Darren grins. He sounds kind of proud when he says: “I was on a mission, man. I was  _wooing_ . I took extra precautions to make sure I was free whenever they said you’d be around. I was broke as fuck that whole semester, but it was worth it.”   
  
Chris rolls onto his back so he can look up at Darren. “Really? You did that just because you wanted  to spend time with me?”   
  
The look on Darren’s face goes softer, sweeter. “Worth every second of it.”   
  
Chris smiles and turns back to the tv screen, head still pillowed on Darren’s thigh. He grabs Darren’s hand, too, and clutches it tightly. He thinks by now it shouldn’t catch him quite so off guard but to think of the emotional turmoil he was in a year ago - he doesn’t think it’ll ever stop surprising him that the boy he fell for was also falling for him.   
  
*  
  
Chris has a craving for a pumpkin spice latte and an excuse to get out of the chilly wind. He knows Ashley is working and if he’s lucky she won’t have had her break already. She can help him kill part of the thirty minutes he has until his work shift begins.   
  
Ashley is working but through a series of frowns, shrugs, and gestures to the clock lets him know she’s already taken her break. Then she points over to a table across the room and Chris looks in that direction.   
  
Eric is there. His face brightens when he sees Chris, and he waves Chris over.   
  
Chris waits for a second, he actually thinks about pretending he was just getting a coffee to go. He could get away with just saying hi and leaving. Eric is nice, though. He’s nice, and he’s been nothing but friendly to Chris, so Chris stands in line and pays for his coffee and then walks over.   
  
“Hey, man. How’s it going? Have a seat.” Eric gestures across from him.   
  
“It’s going well,” Chris says. “Busy. How about you?”   
  
Eric groans and lets his head thunk against the table. “Don’t ask.”   
  
“That bad?” Chris winces.  
  
“The next time you see a TA, give them a hug. They probably deserve it.” He gestures to the stack of papers beside him. “There is nothing more miserable than grading Comp 101 essays. It’s like a previously undiscovered level of hell.”   
  
“Just think ahead to the day when you’ll be a professor and you’ll get to gleefully dole out hellish grading sessions to your own minions.”   
  
“Minions.” Eric smiles. “I like the sound of that.”   
  
“See?” Chris smiles back.   
  
“So,” Eric says, and Chris’s stomach immediately knots.   
  
They’ve hung out maybe four times now, once just for lunch. Always with Ashley, and Chris has felt like that was a nice barrier against any sort of awkwardness.   
  
He wishes they had that right now, because he gets the feeling like his suspicions are about to be confirmed. He bites back the urge to just blurt out a pre-emptive reminder that he’s seeing ( _living with!_ ) someone.   
  
But he doesn’t. He waits for Eric to work his way around to what he’s saying, because to assume and be wrong would be even worse.   
  
“I know you’re seeing someone, but... you’re honestly one of the cutest guys I’ve ever seen, and you’re smart and funny and I’d hate myself if I didn’t give it a shot. Ashley said you and your guy were sort of, maybe not doing so well? And I just wanted to say - I hope you work it out. But if you find yourself, you know, available... at some point...” He leaves the rest unsaid, giving Chris a warm smile.   
  
“Uh. Um. Okay... I don’t... I don’t think... I mean.” Chris forces himself to stop and get his traitorously nervous tongue under control. “We’re doing fine. My boyfriend and I. Better than fine, actually, and I’m sorry if she gave you the wrong idea, but... we’re... we’re fine.”   
  
Eric looks a little disappointed. “Okay. Well, good for you, you deserve someone awesome. Just keep what I said in mind, in the future.”   
  
Chris doesn’t even want to imagine a future where he’d need to utilize that sort of information, but he nods weakly anyway. “I should go.”   
  
This time he doesn’t even try to hide the disappointment. “Okay, then. Hope I see you again soon, Chris.”   
  
*  
  
Darren plays the same bar every Thursday night. Chris has been to a few of the sets, but his work schedule interferes a lot and they’d both decided it wasn’t really worth it for Chris to show up just for the last half hour. He hears Darren play a lot - at least once or twice a week out, and almost every day at home.  
  
He’s long past the point of feeling like he’s got to be at everything Darren does. Frankly, he’s not really sure he could keep up even just as an audience member. He has absolutely no idea how Darren does it.   
  
Tonight, he makes the effort, though. He manages to talk his co-worker into closing up alone since the library is fairly empty and he catches an earlier bus across town, making it just after Darren’s intermission.   
  
He lingers in the back for a couple of songs and then makes his way closer to the front, where Darren can see him. Darren’s voice is a little raspier than normal and he stops more often to take drinks of his water, but that doesn’t stop him from pouring every ounce of feeling that he can into the songs he’s playing. Warmth sweeps through him at the tender smile Darren gives him when he does spot Chris.   
  
“Hey, familiar face in the crowd tonight,” Darren says, giving Chris such an open and honest look of adoration that Chris has to clench his hands into fists to avoid reaching out for him. “So why don’t I play one of  his favorite songs?”   
  
Chris gets a few looks and yeah, it’s kind of weird, but Darren loves playing this place because of the open, accepting atmosphere.    
  
He manages to grab a seat when someone else abandons a high table, settling in with his hands around his drink (just a soda) and watching Darren do what Darren loves to do most, make music.   
  
*  
  
Darren disappears into the back once he’s done. Chris stays at his table waiting, and after a few minutes Darren comes back out. He’s wearing a different shirt and his hair is damp like he’s splashed water on himself, tried to clean up a little. He makes a beeline straight for Chris, or tries to - he still gets stopped by a few people along the way and, being Darren, has to give them each a few minutes of his undivided attention.   
  
Chris doesn’t mind. He’s not entirely sure how the conversation they need to have will go, so he sort of embraces the delays.   
  
“Surprise,” Chris says, leaning in for a kiss. “You were amazing up there.”   
  
Darren shrugs bashfully. “Aw, shucks.”  
  
“You hungry?” He knows Darren doesn’t usually eat before his shows here, since he has to rush straight from campus.   
  
“Fucking starving.” Darren nods. “I totally get free burgers here, though. It’s not bad for bar food.”  
  
“I was thinking we could go somewhere else,” Chris says. “Somewhere we can talk? It’s kind of loud in here.”   
  
Darren looks worried immediately. “Ohhhkay...”   
  
“It’s not... well, it’s not that bad,” Chris says, wanting to reassure him.   
  
He’s not sure it works.  
  
Five minutes later, they end up at a little taco place that they both like. Darren won’t stop looking at him like he thinks Chris is about to turn into a xenomorph before his eyes.   
  
“Stop it,” Chris fusses. “It’s fine, I promise. I just need to tell you something.”   
  
“So tell me.” Darren edges closer.   
  
“Once we sit down,” Chris says.   
  
And he keeps his promise. Before he even takes a bite of his food he takes a breath, steels himself, and says, “There’s this guy, a friend of Ashley’s. He’s nice, he’s a grad student in the english department, and he’s kind of... into me.”   
  
Darren looks like he’s holding his breath. “Okay?”

“And he, uh. Today. He told me that if - um. If I’m single, I should call him.”   
  
“Okay,” Darren says again. “Is... that’s it?”   
  
Chris nods. “That’s it. I just wanted to... tell you.”   
  
Suddenly he feels a little lame for sharing. Darren looks relieved, but mostly confused. “Do you like him?”   
  
“What? No!” Chris shakes his head. “No. Not like that. But he is a nice guy and he’s, we’re... friends, kind of. Not good friends. But he’s not a bad guy, and I’ll probably keep hanging out with him when I’m with Ashley.”   
  
Darren nods slowly. “Okay.”   
  
“That’s it?” Chris asks, wondering if there’s some sort of catch or if the other shoe is going to fall soon.   
  
Darren shrugs and picks up his taco, taking a bite that demolishes half of it then talking while he chews. “Yeah. I mean,” he stops to swallow, thumb swiping at a bit of sauce on the corner of his mouth. “Not exactly thrilled, and I can’t promise I won’t like, piss on your leg to mark my territory if I ever see this guy in person, but... I mean. I would feel like that about anyone that was into you. I’m, uh... I’m working on it. Trying to. And I’m glad you told me.”  
  
“Oh. Okay. Me, too. ” Chris smiles and starts to eat. But Darren’s words kind of sit with him, and this is really as far as Chris had planned on the conversation going, but somehow his brain and his mouth aren’t really communicating. “I feel the same way, you know. Sometimes. Around... people.”    
  
“People?” Darren asks.   
  
Chris shrugs and then quietly says, “Julia.”   
  
“Oh.” Darren puts his taco down. “You know there’s like - there’s nothing. Anymore. I mean... I love her like, well, not like a sister, exactly, that’s um, no. But... we didn’t, um. We didn’t have-”   
  
Chris cuts him off, a mercy killing for whatever point he was trying to make and failing miserably at. “I know.”  
  
“She’s the one that kicked my ass into gear about going for you, you know?” Darren says. “She wanted me to be happy. I think she got that before even I did. She just looked at you and she, she saw something... that would work for me.”   
  
Chris hadn’t known that, not really. Part of him thought maybe all those times Julia had Darren’s ear... maybe she was warning him away. Maybe she was trying to convince him that Chris wasn’t good enough.   
  
(That maybe she was right.)   
  
“We okay?” Darren asks, looking worried.   
  
Chris realizes that he’d sort of gotten lost in his thoughts there. “Yeah, of course.”   
  
Darren is relieved. “And you’re not gonna leave me for some English TA heartthrob?” He teases.   
  
Chris makes a dismissive gesture. “Please. He’s nothing compared to you. You play the  guitar .” He pretends to swoon.   
  
“Fuck yeah I do,” Darren smirks, and just like that, things feel good again.  
  
*   
  
Chris wakes up one morning in late-October and he can tell something isn’t right that morning.   
  
Darren barely moves when Chris gets out of bed. His breathing is raspy he’s woken Chris up in the night multiple times with his coughing.   
  
When Chris comes back after his shower, Darren has thrown the covers off and he’s shivering. Chris frowns sympathetically and runs his fingers through sleep-mussed curls, pushing Darren’s hair back from his face.   
  
That’s what wakes Darren up. He turns his face into the pillow and then his entire body shakes with another cough.   
  
“You’re sick,” Chris says, no room for argument this time. “Skip class today. Stay here.”   
  
Darren shakes his head. “I’m okay. Just a cold.”   
  
At least he’s admitting it now. That’s progress.   
  
“You’re gonna be late.” Darren is looking past Chris at the readout on their stupid dinosaur shaped wall clock with no numbers that drives Chris crazy. It always takes him thirty seconds just to figure out the time.   
  
He’s pretty sure Darren only got it because it’s purple.   
  
“You gonna stay here?”   
  
Darren shrugs, then rubs his hands over his face. “No. Got a thing today. Presentation.”  
  
“What time? Your ten am?”  
  
Darren nods.   
  
“I’ll set the alarm for nine, then. Go back to sleep.” Chris leans over and kisses Darren’s forehead. “Call me if you need anything.”  
  
*  
  
Sitting in the emergency room is one of the most terrifying experiences of Chris’s life. After not quite an hour one of the nurses comes out looking for him. Her name tag reads Brandi and she has a sweet, if slightly amused, smile when she says, “I think your fellow back there is in need of some entertaining.”   
  
“Oh, God, is he driving everyone crazy?” Chris laughs, a little higher than normal because the adrenaline has faded but the nerves are still behind in their wake. “I can - can I go back?”   
  
“Since he has no family and he’s been asking for you, you can.” Brandi leads him down a long hallway and around a few corners. Chris is barely even paying attention to the path. “I do have to warn you, he’s made a friend.”  
  
Darren is sitting on a hospital bed with a little girl in his lap. She can’t be more than four and one of her arms is in a cast. He is bouncing her a little on his lap, very gently so as not to disturb either of their arms - hers for the cast and his for the IV attached.   
  
Chris feels something drop in his stomach. “Darren, are you-”   
  
Darren still looks exhausted, circles around his eyes and skin pale under the natural olive tones.   
  
“Bronchitis and walking pneumonia,” Brandi fills in. “Come on, Gracie, why don’t we take you back over to Mommy? She has all your toys, doesn’t she? We can find a game for you to play, or get you some paper to color on.”   
  
‘Mommy’ appears to be fast asleep curled up on one of the other beds. The girl is sweet and it’s cute how Darren waves goodbye at her but all of Chris’s attention is elsewhere.   
  
“Hey,” Darren says, reaching out and grabbing Chris’s hand. Only when Chris steps in closer does Darren lean back against the reclined bed again, eyes sinking shut while he breathes in. For a second Chris thinks he’s fallen asleep but then his eyes blink back open. “I’m okay.”   
  
“You are  _not_ okay.” Chris can’t help how shaky his voice is. “You passed out in class.”   
  
“Well, I  will _be_ okay. They’re gonna fix me up. If I get some good meds, maybe I’ll even split them with you.”   
  
Chris isn’t reassured by the jokes.   
  
“Chris, baby.” Darren  must be sick if he’s resorting to ‘baby’ outside of the bedroom. “I swear I’m gonna be okay. They’re not even keeping me here overnight or anything. I was dehydrated so that’s why the drip is in, but once it’s done and they check me out again I’m free. The doctor said I would even be clear for classes Monday if I rest over the weekend.”  
  
“And will you?” Chris knows Darren too well by now. Darren might smile and answer of course, but even if he means it there is no way Darren will actually end up just canceling all of his plans voluntarily.   
  
*  
  
True to Darren’s word, they’re out by dinner time.   
  
Chris feels like he could sleep a year but after Brian picks them up they still have to get Darren’s prescriptions filled. Darren naps on the bench by the pharmacy while they wait on his antibiotics and an industrial strength cough suppressant. Chris leaves him with Brian and grabs a cart, making a quick around through the grocery section so he can stock up on some of Darren’s favorite things.   
  
He hesitates in front of the canned soup aisle and then digs his phone out of his pocket. It’ll be just before dinner in California, so he goes ahead and calls.   
  
“Mom?” He asks, when his mother answers the phone.   
  
She must have some sort of sixth sense about it because the first thing she responds with is, “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Are you alright?”   
  
Or maybe it’s just because he’s called less and less often lately.   
  
“I’m fine. But Darren... we just left the hospital. He, uh, he has. He has walking pneumonia and bronchitis, he passed out in class...” Chris feels the same wave of sickening dread that he hasn’t been able to shake wash over him when he says it.  
  
On the other end of the line his mother makes a dismayed noise. “I remember when your uncle had that bad spell last year, that’s what they said did it to him. At least I think it was bronchitis... well, never mind. He’s all right? They didn’t want to keep him?”   
  
“He’s okay, I think... I think he might have been too much for them to handle,” Chris jokes. “They might have been motivated to check him out.”   
  
His mother laughs, but it’s a weird laugh, like she’s not sure if she’s supposed to or not.   
  
“We’re waiting on his medicine to be ready, but I was thinking I might make some of that soup you used to make me when I was sick - but I don’t remember what was in it.” His voice breaks a little toward the end. “I want to make it for him.”   
  
He’s not sure what he is so afraid of will happen when he says it, but whatever fears he has are quelled when her only response is: “Well, of course,” before she starts to list off what he’ll need.   
  
He listens, trying to remember all of it but mostly just soaking in the familiar comfort of her voice.   
  
*  
  
Chris starts the soup while Darren sleeps. His mother’s recipe was pretty simple once it hit this part of it; start the broth going, chop up the vegetables, cook the chicken, combined them all together and simmer.   
  
Once it’s in the simmering stage he sits down with Darren’s medication. Two of them need to be taken with food. One warns him to stay out of the sunlight. One may cause drowsiness. The antibiotic might cause blurred vision and dizziness.   
  
He puts the bottles down and breathes. He’s far from over the shock of being called by a very shaky sounding Julia saying that something was wrong with Darren. He covers his face with his hands and his shoulders shake a little with the effort not to cry.   
  
It’s not serious. He  _knows_ it’s not serious. But somehow he can’t stop the flood of emotion.   
  
Joey walks in and sees him there. Chris sits up quickly and wipes at his eyes, relieved no tears have actually fell. His voice is still raw when he says, “Oh, hey.”   
  
Joey walks right over to him and then past him, to the cabinet. Chris turns around curiously to see what he’s doing and watches as Joey pulls out a bottle from way back on the top shelf.   
  
“Step one.”  
  
He puts the whiskey - actual Macallan that Chris has no idea how Joey has kept hidden - down in front of Chris and then goes to another cabinet - the shot glass collection. Joey considers them very carefully before selecting two black ones with colorful Pacman characters on them.   
  
Chris smiles, and Joey looks triumphant. Then he pours each one glass full to the top with whiskey and slides one carefully over to Chris. “Drink up.”   
  
Chris takes a breath, and then tips it up. A little bit drips down over his fingers and he sputters, pulling a face and working hard to keep it from coming back up right away. “Oh my god,” he gasps once he’s sure it’s going to stay down. His throat feels like it’s on fire.   
  
“Step two.”   
  
Joey stands up and grabs Chris by the hands, then yanks him into a hug. It’s weird - different than hugging Darren, because Joey is taller and a little bonier and smells different, but it’s nice. Chris lets himself be hugged and he has to admit, Joey puts his all into it.   
  
“He’s okay,” Joey says, finally, patting Chris awkwardly on the back as the disengage.   
  
Chris takes a breath. The whiskey is warming him pleasantly, and he’s not shaking anymore. “Yeah. He’s okay. Yeah.”   
  
Joey puts a hand on his shoulder. “Now. I think that’s earned me first dibs on that soup I’m smelling, now hasn’t it?”   
  
Chris laughs. “I guess, fine.”   
  
“And, um.” Joey looks a little guilty. “About the Halloween party...”   
  
“What?” Chris blanks out at first, then he remembers.   
  
This weekend is Halloween.   
  
They’ve been planning the party for a few weeks now.   
  
“We can totally cancel it,” Joey says. “If Darren’s... you know. Not up to it.”   
  
Chris already knows that there’s no way Darren would let them cancel the party.  
  
*  
  
Half an hour later the soup is done and Chris lets Joey get a bowl full before he makes one for Darren. They lack any sort of tray so he just puts the bowl on the biggest plate he can find and throws some crackers on beside it before he doles out the pills and little cap full of cough syrup Darren will need.   
  
Darren is still curled up in the covers fast asleep with his mouth open, snoring loudly. Chris puts the plate down and sits along the edge of the bed, just watching him for a minute.  
  
He reaches up to pushes the curls flopping across Darren’s forehead back, and Darren stirs at the touch. “You need to eat and take your medicine,” Chris says, once he’s reasonably sure Darren is awake.   
  
It takes a little more coaxing but Darren sits up. He’s still not remotely hungry and his hands tremble a little but he draws the line at letting Chris feed him. He manages half the bowl and most of the crackers, enough to hopefully keep the medicine from making him sick.   
  
“Anything else you need?” Chris asks. “We should email your professors and let them know you won’t be in tomorrow. I can stop by and get your notes if they’ll work with you.”   
  
“We should?” Darren teases him.   
  
Chris turns red. “I don’t- I mean-”   
  
Darren puts the plate and bowl on the nightstand and pulls Chris closer to him. Chris settles beside him, wishing he’d changed out of his jeans first. “I’m teasing. Thank you for taking care of me.”   
  
He’s already losing the battle against sleep, so Chris doesn’t bother to move. He lets Darren curl into him and pets his hands through Darren’s hair, dropping kisses into his curls every few minutes.   
  
It’s probably just as much a comfort to Chris as it is to Darren.   
  
Once Darren is fast asleep Chris gets up and puts on something more comfortable. He grabs his laptop and tries to do some writing but he can’t focus on anything except Darren.   
  
It’s not just that Darren is going to get restless... it’s that they had  _plans_ . Halloween is one of Darren’s favorite holidays. He’s had the costumes planned for weeks, already invited everyone over to their apartment...   
  
And Chris already knows there is no way he’s going to let that happen. He feels fiercely protective looking over Darren while he sleeps, and maybe Darren doesn’t  need protecting in every sense but right now there’s very little that could stop Chris from trying to.   
  
*  
  
He leaves Darren the next morning after waking him so he can take his medicine. He’s not sure anyone else will be home so he has to operate on the honor system and sheer bossiness to try and convince him that he really shouldn’t leave the apartment.   
  
“You can’t come home and keep me company at lunch?” Darren whines. “Fuck, I’m gonna be so  bored .”   
  
“Take the cough syrup and you’ll be asleep,” Chris points out.   
  
“I hate that stuff. Feel like my head is stuffed with cotton.” Darren crosses his arms over his chest. He looks just genuinely upset enough for it to really tug at Chris.   
  
“I’ll see if someone will cover my work shift, okay?” Chris drops his messenger bag onto the end of the bed and sits by Darren, tugging him forward for a hug. Darren rests his head on Chris’s shoulder and the moment stretches out, seconds bleeding into minutes. It’s quiet, and peaceful, and Chris would like nothing more than to join Darren in bed again and hold him until he sleeps.   
  
But he can’t, so he pulls back. Darren hasn’t shaved and the scruff if dangerously close to actually being a beard, but he still presses a kiss to Darren’s cheek.   
  
“Love you,” Darren says, leaning back.   
  
He doesn’t try to guilt Chris into staying again, but he doesn’t really have to. As he walks toward campus Chris is already calling his co-workers to try and swap hours with someone.   
  
*   
  
The one thing he doesn’t get out of is meeting Ashley.   
  
He grabs a table and waves to let her know that he’s here, playing with his phone until she’s clear to join him.   
  
“Hey, sweet stuff.” She passes him one of the store’s big chocolate chip cookies. “You look like you need it. What’s up?”   
  
“Darren is... Darren’s sick,” Chris explains, but doesn’t go into it. He’s not sure how long they’ll have before Ashley’s boss beckons her back to tend the growing line. “I need to talk to you about Eric, though.”   
  
“Cool kid, right? I think I’m gonna be the Pokemon master of Michigan twinks. Gotta catch ‘em all.”   
  
He has to laugh, just a little bit. “He is nice. But he, um... he said you kind of... Ash, you told him Darren and I were on the rocks. And we’re not.”   
  
He’d told her an abbreviated version of what happened early in the summer, but hadn’t felt comfortable revealing more until he’d worked through it himself.   
  
She does look a little guilty. “He asked, okay? And I told him you were seeing someone. Just... you know.”   
  
“No, I don’t know.” His patience is not limitless today. There’s too much else on his mind. “Explain it to me.”  
  
“I just think you’re limiting yourself,” Ashley says. She looks him dead in the eye. “There are a lot of fish in the sea, dude. Don’t settle for tuna when there could be an awesome gay salmon just looking to swim up your stream.”   
  
“You are... you’re entitled to think that. But you can’t pull anything like what you did with Eric again. It wasn’t fair to either of us, okay? He thought he had a shot, and it put me in a really awkward position. Just... don’t do it again.”   
  
She hesitates, but then nods. “Yeah. Okay. And. Look, I’m... uh. I’m sorry.”  
  
“Thanks. That means a lot.” And it does mean a lot, because he can tell by the look on her face that she genuinely feels bad for the awkwardness of the situation. But this conversation is already losing his attention. He really wants to get back home to Darren. He grabs his bag. “Okay, I’ve gotta get going.”  
  
“Not even gonna stay for a drink, cheapskate?”   
  
He shakes his head. He’s really  not that mad, but he’s also not in the mood to sit around and joke with her. “I need to get home. I’ll... I’ll text you later, or something.”   
  
“I hope your boy feels better,” Ashley says. “Really. I mean it.”   
  
He smiles. “I know. Thanks.”  
  
*  
  
Joey and Brian are surprisingly quick to agree to moving the Halloween party somewhere else.   
  
When Matt and Nick offer up their place, it’s a done deal.   
  
The only thing Chris really has to do is tell Darren. He’s pretty sure it would have been a knock down drag out fight, if not for the medication and Darren being half asleep when Chris breaks the news.   
  
As it is, his disappointment is palpable. He frowns and argues and sulks but he still doesn’t quite have his fire back. Chris knows he made the right decision when Halloween day comes and Darren is still worn out enough that showering and eating breakfast in the kitchen leads to a four hour nap.   
  
He’s still not pleasant to deal with that night, though.   
  
“This sucks,” he says, moping on the couch just after Joey and Brian have left, fully decked out in their costumes. “Chris. This  sucks .”   
  
“I know.” Chris walks into the bedroom.   
  
“Where are you going?” Darren shouts. “I wasn’t done bitching!”   
  
Chris smiles to himself, heading for the closet. He opens it up and grabs a bag from the party store that he’d had Joey pick up for him earlier, then takes it into the living room.   
  
“ You suck,” Darren informs him.   
  
Chris just looks up at him and smiles. He holds up a gift bag and dangles it by the straps. “Really? Does that mean you don’t want to see your new costume?”   
  
Darren’s interest is piqued by the present, even though he still looks like he wants to mope. He yanks the bag out of Chris’s hand and opens it.   
  
His face lights up and his jaw drops. “Chris! This is fucking awesome!”   
  
He pulls out the Boba Fett hoodie. It cost way more than Chris would have spent on a costume, but it’s worth it for the way Darren is looking at it (and him) right now.   
  
“I was so tempted to get you Leia, but I resisted,” Chris says.    
  
“Hey, I would have  _rocked_ Leia,” Darren says.  
  
“I know you would have, sweetie.” Chris smiles, but he doesn’t doubt it. Chris reaches down into the second bag and pulls out his own - a Chewbacca one - to show off. “So we’re still matching, and I know it isn’t exactly a drunken rave but I thought we could hand out candy...”   
  
Darren is too busy putting his hoodie on to answer. He tugs the hood down over his face and starts making shooting noises. Chris slumps back against the corner of the couch, giggling.   
  
After that, he’s a little more agreeable. They put on scary movies and give way too much candy to the few kids that do happen to wander by and knock on their door. Just before ten Darren is nodding off again but he won’t admit defeat and say he’s tired for almost another hour, until the third time Chris catches him with his eyes shut during Nightmare on Elm Street 6.   
  
Long before midnight, when the party a few miles over is just really getting going, Chris and Darren are curled up in bed together falling asleep.    
  
*  
  
Chris talks to his parents about once a week, and since Darren’s hospital visit his mother has made a point to ask how he’s doing every single time. That’s all - just a question, and if Chris happens to have a particular answer, she listens and makes only pleasant and appropriate commentary when he’s done.   
  
It’s... nice. It’s very nice, actually, and Chris finds himself not minding the phone calls nearly as much. He can put up with the little digs about his major, because he doesn’t honestly hold it against them for wanting to know their son will have a career he can support himself with.   
  
It does put him into a false sense of security, which is why he’s completely caught off guard when his mother calls the second week of November to say that the family is coming for a visit the weekend after Thanksgiving.   
  
“It’ll be convenient, dear. There’s a specialist we’re taking Hannah to see in New York, and those plane tickets aren’t much more expensive at all to add in a stop in Michigan. Our travel agent got it all set up.”

“Mom-” Chris worries his bottom lip with his teeth. His parents know he’s in an apartment - they’ve known since he first made the decision to, since housing would impact his financial aid. She just doesn’t know  who he’s sharing the apartment with. “I don’t have anywhere for you to sleep here. We don’t have a guest room.”   
  
His mother laughs. “We’ll get a hotel room, Christopher. We wouldn’t impose like that.”   
  
“But Mom-”   
  
“Do you not want us to visit?” His mother asks quietly, and Chris can hear the hurt in her voice. “Hannah will be devastated.”   
  
It’s what she says every time.  _Hannah_ will be disappointed,  _Hannah_ won’t understand,  _Hannah_ misses you.   
  
“Of course I want you to visit. I just... need to tell you something.” He braces himself. “I’m living with Darren. We live together.”   
  
His mother doesn’t say anything right away. Then she says, “All right. Well. All right.”   
  
Chris waits for more. He waits for yelling, or a lecture, or something... more.   
  
Nothing comes.   
  
“Is, is that... are you... okay? With that?” Chris asks.   
  
“Would it really matter if we weren’t?” His mother answers. “It is what it is, Christopher.”   
  
“And you still want to visit?”   
  
“Of course.”  
  
“Oh. Okay... then. Yeah. I mean... I’d love to show you guys the school.” Chris isn’t naive enough to think that his parents might not have a little bit harder of a time dealing with it in person, but this seems like a good start.   
  
His mother sounds happier when she says, “Hannah will be so excited.”  
  
*  
  
Thanksgiving comes and goes without too much of a flourish.   
  
Darren seems to be hellbent on making up for a month of feeling like absolute shit but through sheer determination and a little bit of nudity Chris manages to convince him that it’s a worthwhile endeavor to spend the day catching up on sleep, television, and sex before people start to show up for their Michigan stragglers meal.   
  
It’s exactly what Chris had envisioned it to be the year before; a potluck of takeout and homemade things (Lauren, naturally, putting them all to shame with her superior culinary skills) and Chris is pretty sure Joe Walker actually just brings leftovers of an indiscernible age but there’s alcohol flowing and so much laughter that Chris physically hurts from it. Darren camps out on the couch with his guitar and the scene is set to a soundtrack of every favorite song any of them has and wants to hear.   
  
It’s perfect, really, and they fall into bed that night tipsy and full and happy. The next morning they’re technically afforded a sleep in but Chris’s parents are due to arrive around noon and Chris finds himself up just after daylight, a bundle of nerves.   
  
He makes sure all of the mess from the dinner the night before is put away, checks for stray socks and underwear, scrubs the sink to make sure there aren’t lingering hairs in the sink or mold growing along the corners of the tub. Whatever he misses, his mother will notice - he’s certain of it. He can’t do anything about Brian and Joey’s room except keep their door shut, but he creeps around his own bedroom trying to make it picture perfect while not waking Darren from his snoring slumber.   
  
Shortly after eleven, Darren wakes on his own, though. He hunts Chris down and drags him back to bed, pins Chris under his weight with kisses and reassurance and then sucks him off until Chris is a boneless lump of utterly relaxed boy.   
  
Then his phone rings and his parents are on the way and he’s up in a shot, dressing and glaring at Darren because he doesn’t have time to shower.   
  
“I fucking swear, Chris, your parents will not actually know you’ve just had sex.” Darren deadpans.   
  
Chris glares. “You don’t know that.”    
  
*  
  
His mother might not know he’s had sex that morning, but she’s definitely treating him a little bit differently.   
  
He’s not really sure why, and he’s not really sure that he likes it. His dad seems fine; a little gruff, a little quiet. But he smiles at Chris like he always has, with less of that displeased curiosity that he’s had in his eye the past year, and it feels good.   
  
Hannah is a ray of sunshine, like she always is. He sort of aches to have her back in his life every day, but at least he gets to show her this part of him. He wants her to see it  all .   
  
Darren comes with them for lunch. They go to Chris’s favorite burger place just off campus, and the food lives up to his elevated expectations. Afterwards his parents want to see the school. Darren is a little more restrained than normal, a little more obviously nervous but it’s not really in his nature to stay in the background for too long. He takes to playing tour guide after a while, his natural enthusiasm for their school bubbling over. Chris can easily see why Darren is one of the upperclassmen that helps with freshman orientation. He sort of wishes he’d been a theater student from the beginning, that he’d had Darren guiding him through his first weeks. He thinks his first semester might have gone differently. He’d probably have ended up in the same place with a shorter and less tumultuous journey there.   
  
He can’t show them everything, but they walk around some of the open areas on campus and Hannah gets a chance to visit with Beatrice like she’s been begging to every time Chris has spoken to her since Darren told her about the cat to begin with.   
  
“Picture time,” Darren announces every few minutes, taking dozens of Chris and Hannah, Chris and his parents, even a couple of self-shots with Hannah and one with Chris’s mother that leaves her surprised but laughing.   
  
After lunch and the tour his dad says, “So we gonna get to see this place of yours, son?”   
  
Chris swallows. “Of course. We can head there now.”   
  
His mother agrees. “Hannah needs her medicine and probably a nap in the hotel room before too long, don’t you sweetie? It’s been a long day.”   
  
“Mom!” Hannah makes a face and scoots away, claiming Darren’s arm.   
  
“What? Are you turning down a nap?” Darren acts shocked. “Dude, naps are like  the best thing ever . I wish  I could take one when I get home.”   
  
“Like you won’t anyway,” Chris teases, rolling his eyes.   
  
Darren sticks out his tongue, making Hannah giggle. He and Chris are walking close enough that their hands brush and Chris, feeling a surge of boldness, links their fingers together. Darren gives him a surprised look, but a pleased one.   
  
Chris sees his mother glance over, sees her look linger a little, but then she smiles with a little more brightness and says, “Well, it’s nice to finally be able to picture just where you’re at when you’re  _not_ answering my calls, Christopher.”   
  
“Mom.” Chris bumps his shoulder against hers without letting go of Darren’s hand.   
  
“I’m just saying,” she starts, obviously still teasing. “Your poor mother worries.”   
  
“Chris, you shouldn’t worry your mother.” Darren admonishes.   
  
“Just because you call yours every time you get a papercut...”   
  
“Mrs. Colfer,” Darren says dramatically. “I vow to remind him to call you at least once a day.”   
  
“Well, if we’re going to be allies you’d better call me Karyn,” she says.   
  
Then they’re at the car and piling in, driving to the apartment. They aren’t there for long. His mother gets to satisfy her curiosity over where he’s living and Hannah gets to meet Joey, whom she seems to develop and immediate infatuation with.   
  
But despite her arguments, Hannah really is tired and they really have had a long day. He’s meeting them for breakfast and to spend Sunday with them, alone, so he doesn’t mind saying goodbye too much.   
  
“Hey,” Darren says once Chris walks back inside. “Hey, that went well, didn’t it?”   
  
“Yeah.” Chris steps into Darren’s space and wraps his arms around him, giving in to the urge to just be held. Darren accommodates instantly.  “I think it did.”   
  
*  
  
Darren rolls over one morning in mid-December and looks at Chris.  
  
Chris is already awake. He looks right back and smiles.  
  
"One year." Darren's voice is gruff from sleep.  
  
Chris  nods, rubbing his cheek against the pillow. "Think it's going okay?"   
  
"Hmm." Darren thinks it over. "Well, the sex is pretty good."  
  
"Just pretty good?" Chris pouts.  
  
"Amazing," Darren reassures him. "Mind-blowing."   
  
"And the living together?" Chris asks.  
  
"I think that's going pretty well, too." Darren smiles. He reaches out and draped his arm over Chris's side. "You?"  
  
"Well, you tend to put your dirty laundry everywhere except where it should go, and you still drunk text me when you're out and you know I'm at work or here asleep, and sometimes you snore-"  
  
"Hey, you do that whistling thing," Darren interrupts to point out.  
  
"Do not," Chris replies back haughtily. "But, as I was saying, besides that... Yeah, I think it's going pretty well. I'm still... I'm still crazily, hopelessly in love with you."  
  
His voice goes bashful, like part of his is still afraid of the way that will be received.  
  
But he doesn't have anything to worry about because Darren just leans in, kisses him, and says, "Good. Try to stay that way. Happy anniversary, Chris."


End file.
